some days i didnt want to fight anymore but i had his motivation to keep me going. some days i did just feel like crying, but i had his silly comments to make me smile. some days i did just want to give up, but i had his strength that got me through. some days were rainy, but i had his umbrella to protect me from the storm. i am talking about my brother, anand, who has been unbelievable through all of this. right from the beginning, he spoke my language when i couldnt understand anyone. he explained what happened and what was going to happen in terms of religion AND science which is what i needed to hear. with that he gained my trust at a time when i didnt trust anyone. for some reason, i felt like if he was with me, i would be ok. and though i never told him this or asked him to be here, he has been holding my hand through it all. that trust grew as he became my best therapist, my best advisor, my best doctor, and most importantly, my best friend. yes, every moment was awful still, but in those moments, he helped me breathe a little easier, and really, thats all you can do in situations like this. the angry thoughts and fears could have consumed me but he wouldnt let it. the funny thing is, nothings changed. he is still my motivation and strength. he is still my best therapist and my best doctor. he is still helping me breathe easier. anyone who visits can see that he puts me and my happiness first, even at the expense of his own best interest. though he will never admit it, he has sacrificed so much to be there for me, and that is infinitely more than i could have ever asked for. i am so grateful for having him in my life. im rarely bored because its like having your best friend around all the time. he distracts me from thinking about my awful situation with movies, shows, games, friends and therapy. to quote our favorite song \’tere bina,\’ \”ab tera bina sajna, sajna kaate kate na\” meaning \’without you darling, time doesnt even pass.\’ with him, there are less rainy days, but if it does rain, i have his umbrella to protect me from the storm.