they try to make me go to rehab….

i said no no no! just kidding, i never said no. i was always up for more therapy, and that was because i knew i had nothing to lose and only everything to gain. my brain believed that nurse practitioner (because it was the only thing i had heard from a medical professional at that point) but my heart wanted to believe my parents. but i knew that if i wanted any chance of getting better, it was going to be through therapy. therapy was really frustrating the first couple of weeks, for me and for probably all my therapists too. i had absolutely no movement in any of my muscles so there was nothing really we could do, except they could passively move my joints and electrically stimulating my muscles to contract. i remember the moment we first used the e-stim unit on my hands. i saw my fingers move for the first time in weeks. they had been so lifeless seconds before, but now they were moving. i know it was just because of the e-stim unit but it was still so overwhelming to actually see that somewhere inside, there was life. that gave me a little hope and thats what i held on to. i had overheard a doctor recommend 4-6 weeks,but it had already been 4 weeks and i hadnt seen any improvement yet. i was terrified. but that fear made me want to work harder. but it took a lot of effort to have therapy 6 hours a day everyday, not only because it was discouraging not seeing any improvements,but also it make me leave my room and go to the gym where i would actually see all the other patients. most of them were triple my age and they seemed much better off than me. some had an injury that affected only one side of the body,or either the top or the bottom. and most could talk. i didnt understand why i was so behind. i used to sometimes like it when my parents would forget to put my glasses on for therapy (you guys know im pretty much blind without my glasses), so i couldnt see the world around me. i felt like if i couldnt see them, they couldnt see me. it was (and is) so hard to get up every morning to face an uphill battle. part of me wanted to stay in bed with my misery and avoid the looks from people wondering what the hell happened to that poor girl. but most of me wanted to fight. for everything i am, for everyone i love, and for the fear of what my life could be like, i chose to fight. in one of the first cards megan sent me, she reminded me what i had written in my embarrassing autobiography ( that many of you found) \’ I am a writer; I am a poet; I am a dancer; I am a tennis player; I am a leader; I am a fighter; I am a dreamer; I am a friend.\’ as the esteemed poet dylan thomas once said, \’do not go gentle into that good night. rage, rage against the dying of the light.\’ i wasnt going down without a fight. ever since november 29th, i get up every morning because i choose to fight.

5 thoughts on “they try to make me go to rehab….

  1. Yeh hosla kaise juke,Yeh aarzoo kaise ruke…Manzil mushkil to kya,Bundla sahil to kya,Tanha ye dil to kya, hooo…Raah pe kante bikhre agar,Uspe to phir bhi chalna hi hai,Saam chhupale suraj magar,Raat ko ek din dhalana hi hai,Rut ye tal jayegi,Himmat rang layegi,Subha phir aayegi, hoooo…Yeh hosla kaise juke,Yeh aarzoo kaise ruke…


  2. I'm starting to think you have Obama-like orating skills. I can hear you saying this in my head, i can feel your rhythm, your strength and your fight. In other words – I see you, I see you. I love that quote, btw. Go hard or freakin' go home, that's what I always say. Thanks for going hard, Cougs because you've got more people behind you than Miley Cyrus's Twitter (No seriously, she shut it down for a day and it has caused the whole Twitter site to malfunction). Kids these days.Love you even more than yesterday,Raj


  3. SUPERWOMAN i'm telling you! ๐Ÿ™‚ ditto to cynthia, you are the strongest fighter ive ever known as well. keep on fighting ๐Ÿ™‚ i love you and love when i get to hear about every step you make ๐Ÿ™‚ ill see u soon wifey mwahh


  4. Don't forget that little part about the prescient meaning of your name, my Hershey. Every literal and figurative step you take…every word…every hug – you're forever and always the bringer of joy.Megan


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